2013년 11월 27일 수요일

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               Most               of               my               gambling               junkets               consisted               of               short               trips               to               the               Biloxi               boat               casinos,               and               since               it               looks               like               I'm               never               going               back               there               for               obvious               reasons,               I               will               pass               on               some               of               the               lessons               I               learned               in               those               too-brief               excursions.
               1.

Never               bring               a               small               amount               of               money               thinking               that               you               can               always               go               to               the               oh-so-convenient               ATM               that               casinos               now               have               around               every               corner.

Only               take               as               much               money               as               you               think               you               can               spare               in               betting.

Once               you               start               the               ATM               trips,               all               of               your               bank               accounts               are               slowly               siphoned               off               as               you               figure               that               eventually               you               will               win               something               and               be               able               to               replace               it               all.

NEVER               go               to               the               ATM               while               gambling.
               2.

Never               bring               more               than               you               can               afford               to               lose.

Let's               face               it,               you               will               lose               it               all.

If               you               get               lucky,               you               will               buy               T-shirts               with               part               of               it,               and               then               lose               the               rest.

Don't               bring               the               rent               money               thinking               that               surely               that               is               enough               to               cause               you               to               win               big.

Only               bring               your               actual               disposable               income.
               3.

Watch               the               weirdos.

Casinos               are               infamous               for               the               weirdos,               con               men,               and               a               host               of               people               trying               to               pry               you               from               your               money.

Hang               onto               those               big               change               cups,               because               there               will               be               people               there               watching               to               see               who               will               put               theirs               down               for               a               few               moments.
               4.

Be               one               of               the               weirdos.

Not               to               steal               or               con               anyone,               just               to               be               a               weirdo.

No               one               knows               you               there,               treat               it               like               Halloween.
               5.

Don't               pay               for               drinks.

As               long               as               you               are               gambling,               you               are               entitled               to               free               drinks               at               most               casinos.

They               will               also               have               one               or               more               bars,               but               you               actually               have               to               buy               the               drinks               there.

Why               do               that               when               they               are               free               only               steps               away?

You               will               have               to               tip               the               cocktail               waitress,               though,               but               it               is               ok               to               tip               in               change               and/or               chips.
               6.

This               one               will               likely               not               come               up               for               you,               but               if               it               does,               you'll               be               ready.

If               you               happen               to               get               a               bunch               of               quarters               from               the               cashier,               and               then               go               around               betting               with               them,               and               one               just               will               not               fit               into               the               quarter               slot               on               a               machine,               it               is               a               counterfeit               quarter.

The               lesson               here               is               actually               twofold:               if               you               can               help               it,               get               your               money               changed               at               a               bank,               and               not               at               the               casino,               and,               if               you               get               a               funny               quarter,               it               is               in               fact               counterfeit,               and               you               should               throw               it               away.

You               should               not               go               to               the               cashier               and               ask               why               they               gave               you               a               defective               quarter.

This               will               result               in               security               immediately               being               called,               and               you               will               waste               at               least               half               an               hour               of               your               trip               trying               to               explain               to               huge               security               guards               that               it               would               be               insane               for               you               to               travel               from               out               of               state               in               order               to               bet               one               counterfeit               quarter,               which               you               then               immediately               turn               yourself               in               for               doing.

Eventually               they               will               listen,               but               it               can               be               scary               there               for               a               few               minutes.
               7.

Don't               play               poker.

In               every               casino               I've               ever               been               in,               you               have               to               wait               around               to               play               poker.

Either               the               tables               are               full,               or               no               one               else               wants               to               play               and               you               have               to               wait               around               for               someone               to               play               against.

It's               boring.

There               are               no               flashy               lights,               and               no               bells               go               off               if               you               win               anything.

Stick               to               slots               unless               you               are               the               serious,               study-the-odds-books               sort               of               gambler.

Slots               make               neat               noises,               and               it               takes               a               whole               lot               longer               there               to               spend               that               disposable               income.









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